What a former college instructor really thinks…

A Public Service Announcement for Brainwashed College Students

Dear Students,

We, the administration at the University of Tuition Collection, have been troubled to learn that our professors have been trying to brainwash you into support for their leftist political ideas.  While some of you have formed organizations in an attempt to combat anti-intellectualism on campus, many of you accept everything your professors tell you without questioning it, even when there is no logic or evidence (except for “it’s politically desirable”) behind anything they say.  You may be wondering why these anti-authoritarian types are being permitted to parade their authority around campus with an iron fist.  Therefore, we would like to take a moment to explain a few reasons why we have allowed things to progress this far:

1: Many of your professors are paid less than cashiers at Wal-Mart, and they receive worse benefits.  You may wonder why such highly educated people allow themselves to be taken advantage of like that.  The reason’s very simple: we pump them up with Marxism and anti-Americanism and, voila, they can no longer stomach the idea of working in business or government.   And we keep them here by fostering the belief that their research on Poststructuralist Literary Marxism is helping save the world.  That’s how we get these people to stand in line for such pitiful wages and we pass the savings on to you, our dear students.  (Legal disclaimer: we pass on the parts that don’t fund our salaries or the research on subjects like Poststructuralist Literary Marxism.)

2: We love receiving funds from the government and we know who our friends are: the Democrats.  The Republicans, especially the Tea Partiers, wouldn’t send money our way even if we banished all the liberals from campus.  How do you think we could afford to build this fabulous new student center?  (Legal disclaimer: this is not bribery.  We adhere to the highest standards of academic integrity.  All we do is prevent any conservative troublemakers from working for us.)

3: Contrary to what you may currently believe, your interactions with university personnel will not always demand that you voice support for a leftist political agenda and social ideals.  Once you graduate, we will be contacting you incessantly for financial contributions.  Although lefties usually disdain large, wealthy organizations, we hope you will overlook that part of their message and give generously.  (Legal disclaimer: if you donate money and require that we use the funds to support non-leftist activities, our lawyers will find a way around it.)

4: Lefties are much more likely to streak on campus than righties and we need a way to keep ourselves entertained in this small town.  (Legal disclaimer: the students are all 18 or older.  This is not illegal.)

So as you can see, we are doing everything in our power to ensure that you receive the best possible education at UTC.  Even if your brain rots a little while you’re here, it’s a small price to pay for helping to build our great institution.

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6 responses

  1. nineteenthdisciple

    That’s silly. Colleges tend to be leftist because they’re usually not old (usually racist, not always) evangelical Christians that hate gays, minorities and immigrants because they “Take Ur Jurbs!”

    Professors think plus they’re really counterculture.

    July 2, 2011 at 10:56 am

  2. @ disciple:

    People on the right are usually not old racist evangelical Christians who hate gays, minorities, and immigrants because they “take your jobs.”

    Believe it or not, there are substantive intellectual differences between the two sides.

    July 2, 2011 at 12:05 pm

  3. nineteenthdisciple

    Yes but the majority of people who are like that are Republican and the vast majority of people who are intelligent and forward thinking are on the political Left. That’s why cities with a large concentration of educated people vote democrat and desolate areas that still fly the ‘rebel’ flag and talk about ‘yankees’ vote Republican.

    The only intellectual side of the political right are libertarians, I respect that.

    July 2, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    • For “the vast majority” of a certain type of people to belong to one party means very little if they do not dominate the party.

      To say that most people who are “intelligent and forward looking” are on either side of the political aisle (without providing evidence) is laughable at best.

      Plus, you’re trying to turn correlations into causes. Lots of educated people vote Republican and there is quite a bit of substantive conservative philosophy (other than of a libertarian bent) that’s available to people who look for it. And that’s the thing: colleges and universities are full of faculty who only promote political philosophies they agree with. I don’t agree with people like David Horowitz who claim that the political beliefs of Americans should be represented proportionately in the classroom. However, solid conservative material is being left out by faculty members who held their strong leftist beliefs BEFORE they ever embarked on their educations. If you’d like more information on the subject, do some research on the classes of graduate students who entered during the late 60’s and early 70’s.

      But I digress…

      There are other reasons why people in the city may be inclined to vote Democratic that have nothing to do with intelligence or education. Let’s look at the gun control issue. In the city, gun control is an eminently rational idea that the community needs. In your so-called “desolate” areas, gun control means that people can’t go hunting; since they don’t have the high crime of the cities, the need for gun control does not really exist for them.

      Of course, I could also point out that the high crime areas are in cities where most of the liberals are and conclude that liberalism causes crime. I think you’d agree that it’s not that simple, but it’s the same logic you’re using.

      July 2, 2011 at 11:57 pm

      • nineteenthdisciple

        I’m not saying that Republicans are completely backwards people but if a political philosphy consistently attracts people with ancient ideas that is saying something. And the Republican party in recent years has been going radical since the Tea Party movement. Also when I say intelligent and forward looking people I don’t mean the college graduates and all that, I mean the truly intelligent who look at a situation thoroughly instead of even refusing the discussion of things like the Republicans recently have done with the issue of taxes.

        And I don’t need to provide evidence to show the Republicans tend to be the ones who hold back progress. They’re the ones who almost always are against gay rights, immigrant rights and tend to support violent Imperialist warfare.

        And if there is any ‘intelligent’ conservative philosophy its not the one practiced in this country so its completely irrelevant.

        Yes universities do tend to be leftist and its impossible to think that it can be unbiased anywhere. Righties control their own monopolies on ideas too in areas of the country. It’d be like me saying that churches need to stop being so Republican because I don’t like how they think.

        Gun control has ultimately little to do with how a person votes. The main reason people vote the way they do is because of the people each party tends to attract. Democrats put more emphasis on social policies and helping the poor while Republicans tend to have a ‘blame the victim’ mentality and want to privatize key industries including charities. Republicans tend to appeal to a religious base that wants to impose their ideas on the rest of the country like fighting same sex marriage or trying to teach creationism in schools.

        And crime in cities occurs because there is a lack of social programs to help the poor and because the large gap of wealth that this country is growing. Besides the people who do crime usually have no care for politics and don’t vote.

        And I’m not saying Democrats are the answer. These people have no backbone and always try to compromise with the Republicans and we end up having these stupid ideas to mess up the country.

        Personally I am a Marxist and I believe the problems we have is because people in the government (mostly righties, lefties too) have advanced a profit based economy where everybody looks out for themselves. Corporations are given too much power under the guise of supporting a small government and with this power they screw over the American people.

        For example the gap between rich and poor has increased due to Bush Tax Cuts while the economy has been dying because of imperialist righties funding massive wars to esentially kill brown people abroad. This is the Righty way of thinking that has caused this. We’re using the money to kill while people are losing jobs across the country.

        In short I disagree with the political right because, they want to impose Christian ideals on a supposedley secular state, they give power to corporations over unions and social programs, they support a vast number of wars and try to pay for them on the backs of the poor rather than having an equal tax rate for the richest.

        July 3, 2011 at 3:15 am

  4. Your response illustrates my point. I’ll pick on just one of the many examples:

    You talk about how liberals have programs to help the poor. Well, if you read up on conservative philosophy (and this is something that is widely believed among real conservatives), you’ll find a belief that liberal programs for the poor actually hurt the poor. While conservative propositions don’t obviously look like they would help the poor, there is an honest belief behind them that they would.

    You are confusing “they disagree with liberal solutions” with “they don’t want to help.” That is an error one often sees among liberals.

    July 3, 2011 at 1:06 pm

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