What a former college instructor really thinks…

Sand is Good for the Skin and Good for the Soul

In this installment of Victimizing Other Bloggers, I have decided to go into business with today’s victim, who also happens to be unemployed.  This is a very exciting opportunity for both of us and we hope you will invest generously.

My business partner is Sandylikeabeach, and together we have discovered the secret to eternal youth and beauty.  Just take a look at this picture:

This is what Hillary Clinton could have looked like if she had taken better care of herself.

VA-VA-VA-VOOM!  And she’s FIFTY!!!!   Sandy’s friends get excited when her boobs come flying out of her clothes, too.  That’s something you should aspire to.

And you could have it if you purchase our product.  Since we believe in simplicity, we are calling it “Sand.”  You can rub Sand all over your body and it eliminates all of those pesky wrinkles in a flash.  Sand is cheaper than Oil of Olay and it’s not subject to liquid restrictions that the TSA has placed on airline passengers.  (Caveat: we still cannot guarantee that the security guards will allow you to take this on a plane.)

But wait, there’s more!  For all of you creationists out there, this is a great way to hinder evolution.  Sandy says her soul is still evolving, which doesn’t conflict with your religion because she’s not saying anything that could be wrongly interpreted as evidence against the existence of a Higher Power.  You’re more concerned about biological evolution and Sandy has you covered there.  By preventing wrinkles, Sand keeps your skin from evolving.  Sandy has shown her dedication to the cause of Static Skin Biology by refusing to be tattooed.  This is a valiant statement in favor of your theological cause.  She also doesn’t do threesomes with the married men she flirts with on Craigslist, which means that our product contributes to the promotion of healthy family values.

I can’t say it often enough: Sand is good for the skin and good for the soul.

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2 responses

  1. Thanks, partner! I just know we’ll be fabulously rich from Sand. As always, another fun read and this time you made me lol out loud.

    On a more serious note, I wish you success on your job search. Going on three years unemployed for me, though I no longer look. It’s a tough market out there, of course, I don’t have a Ph.D. Again, best of luck to you, hope you find your dream job.

    July 24, 2011 at 4:16 pm

  2. Good to hear that you liked the post… and thanks. Don’t underestimate the value of the experience you have. A Ph.D. is something that employers are resistant to being sold, so you may have the better chance with your experience… if you were looking (“Better chance” is relative, of course. No one has a good chance these days.)

    July 24, 2011 at 4:58 pm

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