Awwww. How precious! A cute little 16-year-old girl wants to be a victim. That’s just so sweet! And because I’m such a generous person, I am going to humor her.
So let’s look at some of the things she wants to do this summer:
Get a tan
With British weather? Good luck…
Complete a 5k run without dying
It’s easier than she thinks, so this isn’t very ambitious. If she does a little every day, her total will eventually come out to 5k.
Meet some new people
Go shopping and say hi to the cashier. That counts.
Have a proper picnic
Bring on those wild and crazy times!
See someone famous
They’re on TV all the time. What’s the problem?
May I recommend a stick figure? It’s easy to do and she’d get it right on her first try.
The dawning of the Age of Aquarius is a long time past.
Revamp some old clothing
I hope “revamp” doesn’t mean “tear it enough to make me look like a prostitute” She’s too young.
But she’s missing the most important item of all: Don’t get pregnant. Her most recent blog post is called “Why sensible kids don’t get pregnant at 16” but she’s not striving to do what the sensible kids do. Children really shouldn’t be allowed to reveal how insensible they are online. Her parents should be watching over her internet activity more closely. Maybe they could take her on a proper picnic. That might keep her out of trouble. And then they can build a dollhouse together; that sounds like a nice, healthy new hobby… and she’s looking for one of those too. But no Ken dolls for our little victim; even though I doubt he’s anatomically correct, the little lady could get some bad ideas into her head by taking off his clothes.
Or her parents could just buy her a chastity belt. That ought to keep her from becoming pregnant…