In this installment of Victimizing Other Bloggers, I have decided to go into business with today’s victim, who also happens to be unemployed. This is a very exciting opportunity for both of us and we hope you will invest generously.
My business partner is Sandylikeabeach, and together we have discovered the secret to eternal youth and beauty. Just take a look at this picture:
VA-VA-VA-VOOM! And she’s FIFTY!!!! Sandy’s friends get excited when her boobs come flying out of her clothes, too. That’s something you should aspire to.
And you could have it if you purchase our product. Since we believe in simplicity, we are calling it “Sand.” You can rub Sand all over your body and it eliminates all of those pesky wrinkles in a flash. Sand is cheaper than Oil of Olay and it’s not subject to liquid restrictions that the TSA has placed on airline passengers. (Caveat: we still cannot guarantee that the security guards will allow you to take this on a plane.)
But wait, there’s more! For all of you creationists out there, this is a great way to hinder evolution. Sandy says her soul is still evolving, which doesn’t conflict with your religion because she’s not saying anything that could be wrongly interpreted as evidence against the existence of a Higher Power. You’re more concerned about biological evolution and Sandy has you covered there. By preventing wrinkles, Sand keeps your skin from evolving. Sandy has shown her dedication to the cause of Static Skin Biology by refusing to be tattooed. This is a valiant statement in favor of your theological cause. She also doesn’t do threesomes with the married men she flirts with on Craigslist, which means that our product contributes to the promotion of healthy family values.
I can’t say it often enough: Sand is good for the skin and good for the soul.