What a former college instructor really thinks…

Posts tagged “cultural studies

“Inappropriate” Places to Pee

The next time you visit a college campus, listen to how many of the professors and graduate students discuss differences between men and women.  Because you can get in trouble for saying that men and women are different, I will not make that claim.  As we all know from camping trips (and other activities where a toilet is not nearby), men and women can do exactly the same things.  It is acceptable for men and women to turn their backs to their friends, face a tree, and relieve themselves.  Suggest that to your female friends the next time you’re out and let me know how that works for you.

Professors of some subjects would also criticize the “unacceptable” social norms that are behind the idea of an “inappropriate” place to pee.   Calling something inappropriate reeks of too much power, and power is a bad thing.  Society constructed the idea that some places are “appropriate” to pee in and some are not… and there is no good reason why society couldn’t have constructed the idea differently.  We must open our minds to the liberating potential of uninhibited urination!

One “inappropriate” place to pee would be in your professor’s coffee cup.  If you try it (and I don’t recommend it), you will be liberated from the class and perhaps from your university.  (Faculty only like these “constructions” when they’re astute enough to see the legitimate reasons behind them.  It doesn’t happen very often, but it usually happens when the construction supports their political views.)  Don’t expect the faculty member to still care about power as you are thrown into jail; to them, power is only evil when it doesn’t serve their purposes.

If you’re really unfortunate, your professors won’t be able to understand why peeing in their coffee cups is inappropriate.   Although you’d probably escape without being formally disciplined, you’d probably be opening yourself up to more punishing expectations from the professor.  But that’s a post for another day…

Proposed Philosophy Course: The Aesthetics of Sarah Palin’s Bra

Colleges these days like to put forth a curriculum that speaks to the interests students already have.  It is something they tout constantly, as long as those interests fit into the college’s preferred political frameworks.

Therefore, I would like to suggest a new course to the local university, which I am tentatively entitling “The Aesthetics of Sarah Palin’s Bra.”  Now you may ask yourself how on earth the campus feminists would ever let something like this pass.  Surely they would object to an educator taking such  a prominent female political figure and reducing her stature in this way. But no, you would be wrong.  According to feminists, it only counts as demeaning to women if the woman being demeaned is not a conservative.  In fairness to the feminists, Sarah Palin has more brain cells in her breasts than she has in her head, so the feminsists’ reluctance to protest would be justified here.

I further believe that a course on Sarah Palin’s bra would help increase course enrollment figures.  Conservative students would be elated to be able to study something that has no connection to liberal politics and male students will take an interest in anything involving Palin’s boobs.  And since humanities programs insist that the study of seemingly insignificant material goods is just as valuable as studying works by authors such as Aristotle and Kant, this course should have no problem making its way past the curriculum committee.

And what might the reading list look like?  I suggest that we pass over those old fashioned things called “books” and focus on “cultural texts.”  According to the lit. crit. folks, everything is a cultural text and can be “read.”  So instead of books, students could spend their evenings staring at pictures of Palin’s boobs, analyzing the precise angle at which she wears them.  From there, students could discuss the cultural significance of her bra selections and how those bras fit into the Tea Party political platform.  Since inviting unclothed guests worked so well for that professor at Northwestern, maybe we could sponsor a model to come in and display some of the bra styles that create Palin’s distinctive look.  Students always favor hands-on education and I seek to please.

For the tuition money they spend, students deserve nothing but the best.