Unemployment is everywhere these days, and so are unemployed bloggers. Because there are so many of them, I would like to offer a few bits of “friendly” advice.
1: Imagine that you are looking for work in the (legal) drug industry. If you are, it might be a good idea to refrain from attacking drug companies again and again in your blog. Eventually, these companies will look up your blog and they will find that you were lying to them about how great you think their company is. HR personnel, while not known for their extraordinary intelligence, are not as dumb as you are.
2: If you must bite the hand you want to have feeding you, publish your blog under an alias and keep that alias to yourself.
3: Your blog is not a recruiting site for employers. It’s nice that you posted your resume, but it also shows that you’re not willing to protect the privacy of the former employers you are criticizing in your blog. The resume is also a useful tool for stalkers, but that’s a topic for another day.
4: If you persist on using your blog in an attempt to attract the attention of employers, please make sure you are writing quality posts. This is especially important if you seek to be a writer. If your work doesn’t rise above the quality of what everyone else is doing, you are giving potential employers a reason not to hire you. If you want to know how good your blog really is, ask someone who does not care about shattering your fragile self-esteem. If you ask, I’d be happy to
put you in your place gently suggest improvements.
5: If you harbor a profound disdain for the country you live in, keep it to yourself. Besides scaring off recruiters who are intelligent enough to appreciate their country, it’s not a very good strategy for securing government employment. And let’s be honest: who else is hiring much these days except the federal government? Oh yeah… the government can check out your blog if they do a background check, and having an alias won’t help your blog evade investigators.
6: You were never a professional studnet. You may have been a student, but not a studnet. If you’re too dumb to realize the dangers of working as a stud net, I recommend going downtown and finding yourself a nice comfortable street corner with the other prostitutes. (You may also want to avoid the aforementioned government investigators.) WordPress is a family site and there is no room here for prospective stud nets flashing their wares.
This blog is designed to put everyone’s stupidity on display, hopefully causing some psychological damage or hurt feelings. I will not name names; I assume readers can surmise what shortcomings apply to them. If you would like me to write up a post that takes aim at your blog, please make a public request under one of my posts and I’ll see what I can do to make you a victim. I always seek to please and I promise to be mediocre at best.
But I assume you did not open this page to hear me blather on about myself. I’m here to talk about you, my dear reader. Therefore, I would like to introduce my first public service announcement:
When you’re not really original, you look like an idiot!
As I searched for ideas for something to write about, I took a look at what some other people were offering up. Not having a lot of time, I only scanned a few things here and there, and I ended up focusing on the titles. Just a hint for the stupid folks out there: before giving your blog an official name, google the name. If there are already multiple blogs in the top ten results, your little play on words isn’t that smart. If Wikipedia has a disambiguation page for the name of your blog, you’re not as creative as you think you are. Instead of these old and tired names, you would be better off with a blog name like “The Arachnid Penis.” Besides being truly original, you can scare your friends with your zoological preoccupation and they won’t even be able to comment on how your blog title is meant to compensate for the size of your penis. How large can arachnid penises be, anyway?
And some of the posts I read look like the authors are trying to compensate for something. In schools these days, teachers and professors spend their time telling the kids that they are special and unique. It saddens me to see the psychological effects of this kind of upbringing. So many students are led to believe that everything they do is wonderful, a unique contribution to the world. Guess what: no it isn’t. Did you know that educators often had to coddle your self-esteem when you didn’t deserve it just to keep their jobs? And then some of you probably finished school and entered the real world only to find that no one else thought you were as special or smart as your teachers always said you were. I’ve seen it happen and it can have traumatic effects.
So now I return to the purpose of my blog and the public service announcement. I want to hurt your feelings. I want you to know how dumb you are so you can live a happy and productive life. So thank me.