What a former college instructor really thinks…

Are You Ready for a Ditty Battle?

Warning: do not visit the victim’s blog until the game is over.

Meet Prettierthanpink.  She is in her 30’s or 40’s and calls herself an “old girl.”  Her blog is full of girly thoughts.  And here’s what she chose as her gravatar:

It is now time for Prettierinpink to defend her honor as an Old Girl.  So here’s the game: there are seven ditties in this post and Prettierinpink wrote three of them.  I wrote the other four.  Visitors who have never been to her blog will have to guess which three were written by her.  (No cheating!)  Her work had better be unique because I’m sure it would be embarrassing if a straight male nerd like me could out-girl the Old Girl, even just once.  It would be like a sumo wrestler losing a match to Barack Obama.  And the great thing is that Prettierinpink loses if anyone gets a single answer wrong!

Here we go…

I’m safe and warm within your erection,

then hand and eye make a connection,

turmoil ensues, no time to peruse,

soft, wet and warm, a time for reflection,

and also time for tissue detection…

My fantasies are not detestable,

I dreamt last night, of Bieber’s testicles,

one day, the boy of seventeen,

will know that I should be his queen,

although I look like Paula Deen…

Madam Whiplash, slave on tether,

high heeled thigh boots, patent leather,

whip in hand, she makes her stand,

Master Thomas, “do you need a hand?”

bratty subbie bows her head

bratty subbie hears words to dread,

bratty subbie looks up in fright,

Madam Whiplash “she’s yours all night”

Scissors, glue, and vaseline,

can make any woman clean,

for it has been my secret art,

to craft my way into your heart,

now draw upon my expert care,

and glide into my hairless lair

The hands of time are deathly cruel,

they chant that I can be a fool,

they said I strayed into the shade,

and did the things that they forbade,

then Baby Daddy set me free,

until he finished his degree,

and when our eyes again did meet,

he was living on the street,

I took him in, I gave him care,

it was my fault that he was there…

I felt a glow inside my heart,

when you said “I won’t depart”,

when you said you’d stay with me,

and rub my feet as I decree,

and start my bubble bath and tea,

and love me even when I fart,

that, my love, was a good start

I think that every womans wish is,

to find a man to do the dishes,

a man who likes to be the “housework whore,”

who really relishes a dirty floor,

with gusto he’ll do it all unseen,

the man who loves to keep your house clean…

—————

Here are the correct answers: Correct Answer and Correct Answer and Correct AnswerWhich ones did you think were real?  Share your guesses in the comments section.


This has been another episode of “Victimizing Other Bloggers.”  If you want to volunteer, you can do so by clicking on the “Victimhood Can Be Yours” tab at the top of the page.”  And remember to help control the pet population.  Have your pets spayed or neutered.

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10 responses

  1. Number 2 is my personal favorite — ‘course who doesn’t have a secret, Micheal Jackson-type crush on Bieber? And I don’t care how fat and “southernly-annoying” a broad is; if she can cook delicious food for my poker buddies and I, I’ll sacrifice my penis once a month for the good of the Band.

    July 20, 2011 at 2:02 pm

  2. 1,3,7 I win… peeing me self here,love yours lmfao bloody brill,,,
    but dont give up ya day job lmao… xxx

    July 20, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    • Glad you’re having fun with it.

      Oh… this IS my day job (for now)

      July 20, 2011 at 4:16 pm

  3. you got your 1st comment on yours lmao xxx

    July 20, 2011 at 3:12 pm

  4. I think she’s 1,2, and 5. Am I wrong, Ms. Prettier? I’m curious, about this one. You two have done an awesome job with this…I read each one twice. Let me know, either way…lol.

    July 20, 2011 at 7:58 pm

  5. My other (worse) half, thinks that it’s 1,2, and 7, by Prettierthanpink…this may evolve into a 5 buck bet… 😉

    July 20, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    • It’s 1, 3, and 7.

      July 20, 2011 at 11:06 pm

      • He was closer. I guess I owe him five bucks. Damn…

        July 21, 2011 at 12:27 pm

  6. Wittyjules, I’ll let you owe me five bucks instead if it would make you feel better. 🙂

    July 21, 2011 at 3:54 pm

  7. Vasily Zaytsev

    Intriguing they may be, the answers were so clear to see. No. one, intimate reflection, no. three a floozies dream. No.seven, womans heaven. All good ditty’s, but who dares wins !!!

    July 28, 2011 at 6:43 pm

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