What a former college instructor really thinks…

What is Ass Fiction?

This is the sixth entry in my Victimizing Other Bloggers series.  If you would like a chance to be victimized on my blog, submit your request here.


Today I will be taking aim at Aeliusblythe and his blog Cheap Ass Fiction.  The title puzzled me for a moment because I couldn’t figure out what ass fiction might be.  And then I took a closer look at Blythe’s gravatar:

And then it dawned on me: ass fiction is stories about constipation.  Now I know exactly what to expect from his blog and I click on the home page… and OOPS!  The home page looks like a newspaper.  I guess ass fiction must be what you read on the toilet when you’re constipated.  Close enough, I suppose, but aren’t there cheaper types of ass fiction than newspapers?  (I know, I know.  The newspaper can double as toilet tissue and a book cannot… but you’re forgetting that we’re talking about constipation here.  Toilet tissue doesn’t enter the equation.)  Long story short: what in the hell does a newspaper have to do with cheapness?

And then I notice that my definition of ass fiction may still be wrong.  Once I look at the words on the page, one headline stands out because it is so much bigger than everything else: ” Part II of What Pirates Say To Copyright.”  Now I understand; ass fiction is tales of gay sex.  So Blythe is a homophobe writing about gay sex?  The psychology behind that sounds really intriguing.  Maybe the reason he has to sell his fiction so cheaply is because he’s insulting his potential customers; I’m the only one around here who can get away with that.

And if you need any more evidence that Blythe has some serious problems with his target audience, take a look at how he introduces part one of the pirate article:

“For the record, piracy–even the kind that doesn’t involve killing people at sea–is illegal in most places. I’m not encouraging it, because, face it, who needs to be encouraged? A six year old with Google could figure it out. Fair warning.”

Has Aelius Van Winkle been asleep for the past hundred years?  I’m not entirely sure… but that’s just because he’d have to be awake to know about Google.  I also think it’s remarkable that he believes six year olds would be looking that kind of thing up… and it’s downright shocking that he would title the article “They’re Not Buying Diapers.”  If he thinks babies would or should be getting in on the action, I think he needs to see a psychiatrist.  If he’s talking about elderly people, he has reached into ageist stereotypes.

This guy needs to be stopped.

7 responses

  1. Excellent post. I’m not sure I’m up to be victimized yet, but I enjoyed your humorous look at “Ass Fiction.” It seems that any blog with a name like that is just looking for trouble anyway.

    July 18, 2011 at 11:39 am

  2. No silly, it’s a blog about getting cheap ass. Ya know, not getting, uh… suckered into… those fancy schmancy escorts. They’re worse than used car salesmen–and you know you can get the best deals by shopping around online.

    You can bet your… ass… that a blog like that’s looking for trouble!

    Good Job Hijinks 🙂

    July 18, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    • Thanks!

      And I hope you aren’t speaking from experience. It’s terrible when you shell out all that dough for an escort, only to discover that her headlights and rear end are all fouled up.

      July 18, 2011 at 1:32 pm

      • Totally. There’s a lotta lemons out there. And then the pressure to shell out for “special features” and upgrades… It’s all about the basics, baby.


        July 18, 2011 at 2:55 pm

  3. The gravatar joke was a killer.

    July 19, 2011 at 7:20 am

  4. The first time I landed on cheap ass fiction I… well, I’m not going to say I thought the same things, but I had a moment of doubt. 😉

    July 19, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    • I think I actually almost made it Cheapass–one word–but it is two words, and looks weird as one.

      Just tried it again, actually…. idk, it just sounds like too much fun to change! 😉

      July 19, 2011 at 10:48 pm

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