Bring Back Crucifixion
How many times have we heard students claim that they were “crucified” by their teachers for doing poor work? As a certified old fogey (who is less than 45 years old), I would love to demand that students stop these unfair exaggerations. The comparison to Jesus’ killers makes teachers look bad. And since students often think they’re God, the metaphor is easily predicted. So… rather than embark on the impossible quest of teaching students that they are average humans, I propose that we bolster their existing self-perception. Besides improving students’ self-esteem (the primary goal of education), it will help us keep our jobs by making the customer happy.
In this spirit, I propose that the university pass a policy that will allow professors to perform crucifixions on students. Besides the obvious psychological benefits to the crucified student, the community will make valuable gains as well. Let’s be honest: how often does history come alive like this for students? It would be a great educational demonstration that students would never forget. And: since the university likes to promote permissive sexual attitudes, having a naked student bleeding profusely in public would help tremendously in achieving that aspect of social justice.
We must liberate society from oppressive moral standards!