What a former college instructor really thinks…

Bring Back Crucifixion

How many times have we heard students claim that they were “crucified” by their teachers for doing poor work?  As a certified old fogey (who is less than 45 years old), I would love to demand that students stop these unfair exaggerations.   The comparison to Jesus’ killers makes teachers look bad.  And since students often think they’re God, the metaphor is easily predicted.   So… rather than embark on the impossible quest of teaching students that they are average humans, I propose that we bolster their existing self-perception.  Besides improving students’ self-esteem (the primary goal of education), it will help us keep our jobs by making the customer happy.

In this spirit, I propose that the university pass a policy that will allow professors to perform crucifixions on students.  Besides the obvious psychological benefits to the crucified student, the community will make valuable gains as well.  Let’s be honest: how often does history come alive like this for students?  It would be a great educational demonstration that students would never forget.  And: since the university likes to promote permissive sexual attitudes, having a naked student bleeding profusely in public would help tremendously in achieving that aspect of social justice.

We must liberate society from oppressive moral standards!

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6 responses

  1. dude you are funny sick!lol!thanks for another one buddy!

    July 13, 2011 at 1:34 am

  2. You forgot they could charge admissions to day of the spectacle. After that it becomes a free public service announcement.

    July 13, 2011 at 8:48 am

  3. @ avery:

    Thanks!

    @ IP

    Yeah… how could I have forgotten the financial angle?

    July 13, 2011 at 12:25 pm

  4. Crucifixion’s a little extreme. I’d prefer to torture a few students, especially the ones who vandalise public property, wake their neighbours with loud music at night and the ones who don’t tip in restaurants. I think that’s most of them.

    July 13, 2011 at 4:14 pm

  5. If you plan on torturing them in public while they’re naked, I can forgive you for your suggestion. We have to remember the collateral benefits of punishment.

    July 13, 2011 at 4:48 pm

  6. Pingback: Church Chat with the Gothic Blog Princess « Necrotic Hijinks

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