Letter from HR: Waiting for Prince Charming
We regret to inform you that we will not be hiring you to be our new Bilingual Computer Screen Cleaner. We don’t care if you’ve spent ten years cleaning every glass object known to man; we need someone with in-depth expertise in cleaning computer screens. And while we appreciate your passion for computers and keeping your screen free of dust, we want a Windex specialist. And then you’re not even a native speaker of Norwegian! Even though you lived in Norway for 14 years, we demand that our new employee be a native Norwegian speaker because it is critical to success on the job. We understand why you applied but you’re a doofus for thinking we would lower our standards to hire you. Even though this job has been open for over a year, we will let it remain vacant until we get exactly what we had envisioned.
Squeaky Screen Inc.
PS: If President Obama is defeated in 2012, please consider applying for this position again. Once we have a more business-friendly president, we can pick up hiring. We don’t want unemployment to go down until the political benefits will attach to a politician we like.