Proposed Religion Course: Satan Worship for Fun and Profit
I already know what you thought when you read the headline for this post: Satan worship is not a religion and has no business being in a college curriculum. Of course, you’re wrong again.
The problem is that you have completely misunderstood what the college curriculum is all about. Here at the University of Professors’ Arcane Interests, anything goes! Our professors have redefined the term “religion” to encompass all sorts of practices that have traditionally been excluded from that designation. Allowing Satan worship into the fold is only fair; who are we to judge what counts as a religion and what doesn’t? It even fits perfectly with what other departments are doing; the English department considers Harry Potter to be just as literary as Shakespeare and the music department rakes in the dough by filling auditoriums with its “Rock for Jocks” course. If nothing else, learning about Satan worship will give students valuable insights on what they are learning in their other classes.
But that’s not the only benefit! A Satan worship course could be fun for students. Carving pentagrams into their wrists could be the most exciting lab experience they’ve ever had. How can we not take this opportunity to get students engaged with science? And think of all the educational movies they could watch during class. This would free the professor from having to create lesson plans, allowing more time to publish research that no one will ever read. And because students will end the course with a thorough knowledge of Satan worship, they will be well equipped to use that knowledge to make money in the entertainment industry. So even though you might have moral qualms about students learning about Satan worship, never forget that there are useful practical applications for all knowledge. There is no such thing as useless knowledge.
Caveat: if your child plans to join the clergy, this is not an appropriate course selection. We are here to proclaim the equality of all religions and the clergy aren’t into that kind of thing. We will not be teaching our students that human sacrifice and bodily mutilation are bad. Sorry.