What a former college instructor really thinks…

Quiz: Can You Tell That I’m Blogging About You?

This post was inspired by a response I received to my last one.  For those of you who don’t want to read it, here’s a quick summary:

I wrote a “love letter” to one of my bratty former students.  She hated me then but probably loves me or my teaching now.  She also thought I was attracted to her back in the day.  She’s hot and would be fun to sleep with in a decade or two, but she’s obnoxious and immature now.

The response I received made me imagine that she could have been reading the piece.  (And she could be you, my dear reader.  She could be all of you for all I know.)  And so I’m going to administer a little pop quiz, in part because I’m curious and in part because I really miss torturing students with pop quizzes.

Question 1:

When I implied that you don’t have the brains to back up your bragging, did you think I was talking about you?  Did you recognize yourself in my description of someone who desperately needs to grow up?

Question 2:

You always thought I loved you.  When I made jokes about wanting to receive nude photos of you and eventually sleep with you, did you view that as confirmation of your beliefs from all those years ago?

Answers:

Question 1: If you recognized yourself in the criticisms I made, you are not my former student.  The ability to recognize your shortcomings is something that our educational system does not encourage you to do; therefore, it is not a quality to be found in the typical immature person.  You are special and unique because you know that you are not special and unique.

Question 2: Although a “yes” response may reveal your inability to recognize a joke, it’s more likely that you’re not psychologically capable of realizing how silly your earlier imaginings were.   I wouldn’t complain if you sent me those nude photos anyway, but you’re deluded if you think any former teacher could focus that way on a student for so many years.  And even if I could, why on earth would it be you?  The fact that you think I want you is more likely a symptom of your desire for me.  You were always hot for teacher and you just can’t let go.  You went into a lot of debt for that degree and you think you deserve everything your teachers have to offer.  You are an entitled little brat, but you are probably cute.  (BTW: Don’t get your hopes up.  Kittens are cute too.)

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