Got Student Loan Debt? Sell your STD’s
Did you take out piles of loans while you were a student? Did you spend your college years drinking and having sex and doing everything but developing your skills and knowledge? And did you emerge into this horrible economy with no job and no obvious way to make money? Things may look bleak, but cheer up. There is a way for you to get out of the situation you are in. Although your college failed to give you the skills employers want and you refused to learn much of anything, there is hope. All that time you spent with beer and prostitutes can now pay off because you can sell your STD’s.
But you may object: isn’t prostitution illegal? Of course prostitution is illegal, but you won’t be engaging in prostitution. You will be going into business selling things that other businesses are able to sell. Have you ever ordered crabs at Red Lobster? Good! Then you know the a few things about marketing your product. (Surely you noticed that the shellfish at Red Lobster seemed to taste a little odd…) However, you must always remember one critical difference between you and Red Lobster: you must always offer free delivery. If you charge for shipping and handling, you have become a prostitute.
And you will finally have a job that matches the passions you explored in college. As if that weren’t good enough, there’s an added bonus: you still won’t have to use those inconvenient little condoms that you avoided so religiously in college. That means your operating expenses would be nearly nothing. It’s a great career opportunity to help you ride out the Recession, so what are you waiting for?
Disclaimer: Necrotic Hijinks Inc. cannot be held responsible if your genitals fall off after a couple of years. We also cannot guarantee that your eventual child support payments will come out to less than what you earn.