Feminist Professors to Declare that Michele Bachmann Has a Penis
Feminists have a problem these days. For the second presidential election cycle, the Republicans have a female candidate who is poised to potentially land in the presidency or vice-presidency. Feminist professors have been telling us for years that the time has come for a female president, both as a remedy to societal injustice and because women bring a different perspective to everything they do. Unsurprisingly, that “different perspective” corresponds to support for the leftist ideas they propagate in their personal and professional lives.
And now feminist professors are stuck trying to find a way to to stop yet another conservative female candidate. Sarah Palin was an idiot, which made their job a lot easier. Bachmann doesn’t seem too bright either, but she presents a different problem. Feminists have already used the “ditz card” on Palin. Using it again on Bachmann would open them up to the same kind of criticism they’ve been leveling at men for a long time. If they try to tar Bachmann with the idiot label, they become responsible for promoting a stereotype of female politicians as intellectually less capable than their male counterparts. The feminists are desperate for a solution.
For that reason, we should all expect feminist professors to start teaching that Bachmann has a penis. If she’s a man, her failure to adhere to leftist political beliefs is explained away without the feminists having to reconsider their precious philosophical beliefs. And if Bachmann is a man, they can slander her and her intelligence as much as they want without undermining their cause. But most importantly, this publicity stunt will let them walk around saying the word “penis” over and over again like a bunch of seventh graders. (They already do it with the word “vagina” every year around Valentine’s Day.) And where there are penises, there’s an opportunity for them to proclaim the Good News of their beloved and outdated Sigmund Freud. I also suspect that we’ll be seeing some very interesting photoshopped pictures of Bachmann in the coming weeks. Let’s just hope that the feminists keep the pics tasteful and don’t do any nude ones.
On second thought, maybe that last part is a little too much to ask.